I'm sure you've noticed when your friends find a significant other, they seem... different. Right?
You're not alone. When one of your friends finds a boyfriend or girlfriend, they're bound to act different. Maybe happier. You're going to hear a lot about their partner. So be prepared for "Johnny Boyfriend did this" or "Julie Girlfriend is so funny." Not that this is necessarily a bad thing. But when it escalates to the point where all this friend cares about is their partner, then we have a problem.
I like to call this R.P.D. - Relationship Priority Disorder. It's when someone in a relationship favors their partner over their friends - or vice versa. It's understandable for someone to talk about their significant other - to an extent. But let's say Johnny Goodfriend has been neglecting you as a friend.
Perhaps he just cares more about his partner than you, but this is wrong. A friend is a friend is a friend. Boyfriend/girlfriend relationships and friendships are two very, very different kinds of relationships. And while they are different, this does not mean one is more important than the other.
Relationships tend to come and go, but the friends are the ones who are always gonna be there for you, through thick and thin. Friends are going to be the ones who help you through it when your boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with you.
And even if you have the perfect relationship, even if you've found your soulmate, this person should not take priority over your friends!
Maybe they pity you. They're in a relationship, and you're pathetically single. Well, they see it as pathetic. Perhaps you don't. Maybe they want you to tag along with them. But you don't want to be a third wheel. Don't let them take pity on you. Show them you're okay, that you know you'll find someone. And if you dont' want to find someone, if you enjoy being single, make sure they know that.
Some people in a relationship think they're better than you because they've found their "other half." They might not know they think this way, but some - not all, some - of them do.
The only cure for R.P.D. is a solid dose of reality. If your friend is neglecting you for their partner, or vice versa, then you need to point that out to them. And if they don't want to listen, so be it; they'll come around eventually.
~J*~
Got questions?
thesearetheyears@gmail.com
Monday, July 14, 2008
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