Life isn't easy. Next to I love you, those are probably the three most overused words in the English language. "Life's a bitch, and then you die." Too true for words. But why is life a bitch? Why do we have to face hardships in life?
You'll probably come to notice that most of these "hardships" we all have to face come in your teens and twenties - and probably into your thirites. Hell, maybe even all the way up to mid-life. Why is this?
This blog is called "These Years Make Us Who We Are" for a reason. It's not just these years, but the hardships that come with them. With life comes loss, heartbreak, and obstacles we must over come. Why do we have to overcome them? More importantly, what's the point of all this trouble we're put through?
The trouble we have to put up with in these years molds us into the person we're meant to be. Every loss, every heartbreak, every little demon we have to go through on the way, filled the mold of the person we're supposed to be. There are going to be bumps in the metaphorical road of life, there are going to be bad parts in every chapter. But sometimes, you have to turn the page, no matter how hard it is. By getting through it, you're filling that mold a little bit more, and you're becoming more and more like the person you're meant to be. You're becoming the person that you're meant to leave your mark in this world as. Maybe it'll be a big mark, and maybe not so big, but I can guarantee you, after your gone, someone will remember you and care about you. Those hardships, those obstacles, form you into your destined self, and that doesn't just affect you, but others. Your friends, your family, your children, your children's children. You can change the world to everyone, or to just one person.
Isn't it worth all that trouble? Isn't knowing that you'll mean something to someone worth all of this pain that you have to go through?
Yes.
Of course it is.
I'm not a preppy optimist. I have my bad days and what not, where I think "what's the point?" But there is a point. It's not fun, it's not easy, but it's life, and it's the life you're meant to lead. So lead it.
~J*~
Got questions?
thesearetheyears@gmail.com
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Losing My Religion
It's like a Jesus Christ version of Romeo and Juliet. Two people, disallowed to date because one set of parents won't let their child date someone outside of their religion.
Does faith take priority over love?
People have beliefs. In these beliefs, they find solice. I'm no atheist, I belive in God. I am a Christian. But I am not strictly religious. Some parents are strictly religious, and follow whatever their religion is right down to every punctuation mark in whatever Bible or Torah they may have. But what if this religion says no to dating outside of religion? That's a sticky situation.
First of all, it depends on the parents. Are they very religious? Are they willing to let their child date outside of their religion, regardless of what their faith tells them to do? If yes, then you're all set. If not... that's when there's trouble.
There is no way out of this mess. I am not one to encourage sneaking around behind parents' backs, because, a) it's dishonest, and b) chances are, you'll get caught. I'm no saint. I'm sure as hell not honest half the time, but I don't want to tell people to lie to their parents.
So my answer to you is this:
If your lover's parents will not let them date you because you are outside of their religion, then there's always conversion. However, if it defies your beliefs, then... wait. If your love is true, it will wait. Don't remain dateless until you're legally adults and can see each other. But if your love is meant to be, then it will last until adulthood, when your lover is allowed to date whomever s/he wants.
Don't limit yourself to that one person, but don't give up hope entirely.
~J*~
Got questions?
thesearetheyears@gmail.com
Does faith take priority over love?
People have beliefs. In these beliefs, they find solice. I'm no atheist, I belive in God. I am a Christian. But I am not strictly religious. Some parents are strictly religious, and follow whatever their religion is right down to every punctuation mark in whatever Bible or Torah they may have. But what if this religion says no to dating outside of religion? That's a sticky situation.
First of all, it depends on the parents. Are they very religious? Are they willing to let their child date outside of their religion, regardless of what their faith tells them to do? If yes, then you're all set. If not... that's when there's trouble.
There is no way out of this mess. I am not one to encourage sneaking around behind parents' backs, because, a) it's dishonest, and b) chances are, you'll get caught. I'm no saint. I'm sure as hell not honest half the time, but I don't want to tell people to lie to their parents.
So my answer to you is this:
If your lover's parents will not let them date you because you are outside of their religion, then there's always conversion. However, if it defies your beliefs, then... wait. If your love is true, it will wait. Don't remain dateless until you're legally adults and can see each other. But if your love is meant to be, then it will last until adulthood, when your lover is allowed to date whomever s/he wants.
Don't limit yourself to that one person, but don't give up hope entirely.
~J*~
Got questions?
thesearetheyears@gmail.com
Thursday, July 24, 2008
I'm Wondering If...
I'm wondering if I should break up with my boyfriend/girlfriend....
So, should you?
The first step to take here is talk to them. Talk, talk, TALK. All relationships are built on three BIG factors: fidelity, trust, and COMMUNICATION. If something is bothering you about your partner, you need to TALK IT OUT. That way, there's less of a chance of things going down hill, because you know what's bugging who. And if you know, you can either fix it... or end it.
If you've tried talking - or the other half of the relationship is unwilling to talk - it is best to end it. Or at least, take a break. Personally, I am not a firm believer of these mythical "breaks," but sometimes they work for people. Sometimes you just need some time apart to sort things out. But just what if... what if you're not happy. You're just wondering, "should I end the relationship? I'm not happy. I don't see this going anywhere."
Then yes.
End it.
But a warning: Don't be nasty about it. Try to keep things on decent terms. Which goes back to one of my previous blogs, about life after break-ups.
So:
Step one - Talk. If this has already been done, or is impossible, skip to step three.
Step two - Try to work on it together.
Step three - Tell the person you need a "break." If the other half disagrees, skip to step five.
Step four - Have some time seperate. Remain faithful, but do not talk to each other. It's called a "break" for a reason.
Step five - End it on peaceful terms (but only if necessary)
That's basically it. But most of all - and this is a really cliched line, so be ready - follow your heart. Do what that giant pumping organ tells you to do. For men, that's your heart, not that other organ that... Oh, nevermind.
~J*~
Got questions?
thesearetheyears@gmail.com
So, should you?
The first step to take here is talk to them. Talk, talk, TALK. All relationships are built on three BIG factors: fidelity, trust, and COMMUNICATION. If something is bothering you about your partner, you need to TALK IT OUT. That way, there's less of a chance of things going down hill, because you know what's bugging who. And if you know, you can either fix it... or end it.
If you've tried talking - or the other half of the relationship is unwilling to talk - it is best to end it. Or at least, take a break. Personally, I am not a firm believer of these mythical "breaks," but sometimes they work for people. Sometimes you just need some time apart to sort things out. But just what if... what if you're not happy. You're just wondering, "should I end the relationship? I'm not happy. I don't see this going anywhere."
Then yes.
End it.
But a warning: Don't be nasty about it. Try to keep things on decent terms. Which goes back to one of my previous blogs, about life after break-ups.
So:
Step one - Talk. If this has already been done, or is impossible, skip to step three.
Step two - Try to work on it together.
Step three - Tell the person you need a "break." If the other half disagrees, skip to step five.
Step four - Have some time seperate. Remain faithful, but do not talk to each other. It's called a "break" for a reason.
Step five - End it on peaceful terms (but only if necessary)
That's basically it. But most of all - and this is a really cliched line, so be ready - follow your heart. Do what that giant pumping organ tells you to do. For men, that's your heart, not that other organ that... Oh, nevermind.
~J*~
Got questions?
thesearetheyears@gmail.com
Monday, July 21, 2008
Pressure? What Pressure?
There's so much pressure out there. Peer pressure to do drugs and stuff. But pressure from your lover is what can really matter. But can your lover really pressure you?
To put it simply: of course. They may use your love as a weapon, or they may be subtle about it. The big pressure in a relationship is, of course, sex. To simplify it further: don't let them pressure you. No matter how much they tell you they love you, only have sex when you're ready. People are tricked into doing things they don't want to do by their partners. It's not love; it's pressure. If your boyfriend is pestering you to have sex all the time, does he really love you? Wouldn't he respect your wishes when you say no?
If your partner really, truly loves you, they will wait until you're ready. And you should do the same for them. Don't pressure them into having sex with you if they don't want to. I know you're thinking "but my boyfriend/girlfriend loves me!" Okay. They love you. Then they won't try to get you to have sex with them if you're not ready. And don't let yourself think you're ready, just because you're scared they'll break up with you.
If they break up with you because you won't give them sex, then really, were they worth it in the first place?
No.
Your true lover will respect your wishes if you say "no."
~J*~
Got questions?
thesearetheyears@gmail.com
To put it simply: of course. They may use your love as a weapon, or they may be subtle about it. The big pressure in a relationship is, of course, sex. To simplify it further: don't let them pressure you. No matter how much they tell you they love you, only have sex when you're ready. People are tricked into doing things they don't want to do by their partners. It's not love; it's pressure. If your boyfriend is pestering you to have sex all the time, does he really love you? Wouldn't he respect your wishes when you say no?
If your partner really, truly loves you, they will wait until you're ready. And you should do the same for them. Don't pressure them into having sex with you if they don't want to. I know you're thinking "but my boyfriend/girlfriend loves me!" Okay. They love you. Then they won't try to get you to have sex with them if you're not ready. And don't let yourself think you're ready, just because you're scared they'll break up with you.
If they break up with you because you won't give them sex, then really, were they worth it in the first place?
No.
Your true lover will respect your wishes if you say "no."
~J*~
Got questions?
thesearetheyears@gmail.com
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Life After Break-ups?
It's so awkward. When someone breaks up with you, and you keep seeing them everywhere. Not the "just in your head," seeing them, but literally bumping into them wherever you go. But is it possible to go on as friends after you've broken up?
A case of Breakup-phobia has recently been brought to my attention. The reason person A doesn't want to break up with person B is because everyone in person A's group of friends is also person B's friends, and person A doesn't want things to get "awkward."
This frustrates me to no end. The only reason you should not be friends with your ex is if they are total assholes. If you broke up on decent terms, then why just not talk to each other? Hell, if you broke up on not-so-decent terms, it doesn't mean you're never allowed to talk to your ex again.
So why are we compelled to stay away from the ones we've recently ended things with?
I understand a week or so of away time to manage hurt feelings and whatnot, but months and months of not talking to someone just because you're no longer a couple? That's a little extreme, don't you think?
This happened to me going on two years ago. I got broken up with, and my ex didnt' talk to me for eight months or so. I didn't really understand; was it so hard to talk to me? I mean, they never gave me a reason... didn't I at least deserve that?
Of course, things got patched up eventually, but the point is, I was avoided for eight months. I was heartbroken for a good majority of those months. What is so hard about talking to your ex again?
I get the "awkward" factor. But a week or so should be enough to get over that, one would think.
My point is, don't cut someone out just because you've broken up with them. There is a such thing as being "just friends," you know.
~J*~
Got questions?
thesearetheyears@gmail.com
A case of Breakup-phobia has recently been brought to my attention. The reason person A doesn't want to break up with person B is because everyone in person A's group of friends is also person B's friends, and person A doesn't want things to get "awkward."
This frustrates me to no end. The only reason you should not be friends with your ex is if they are total assholes. If you broke up on decent terms, then why just not talk to each other? Hell, if you broke up on not-so-decent terms, it doesn't mean you're never allowed to talk to your ex again.
So why are we compelled to stay away from the ones we've recently ended things with?
I understand a week or so of away time to manage hurt feelings and whatnot, but months and months of not talking to someone just because you're no longer a couple? That's a little extreme, don't you think?
This happened to me going on two years ago. I got broken up with, and my ex didnt' talk to me for eight months or so. I didn't really understand; was it so hard to talk to me? I mean, they never gave me a reason... didn't I at least deserve that?
Of course, things got patched up eventually, but the point is, I was avoided for eight months. I was heartbroken for a good majority of those months. What is so hard about talking to your ex again?
I get the "awkward" factor. But a week or so should be enough to get over that, one would think.
My point is, don't cut someone out just because you've broken up with them. There is a such thing as being "just friends," you know.
~J*~
Got questions?
thesearetheyears@gmail.com
Thursday, July 17, 2008
OMG!! Popularity!
I've touched on popularity before - especially in my last post. But is it really worth all the drama?
Being popular is nice. It's nice to have people know your name, and it's cool to have everyone preaching their love to you. You're desired, and you like that. But with that popularity comes the rumors. The rumors that those that envy you - or just outright hate you - start. These rumors can tear you down. People know your name, but it becomes this way for all the wrong reasons.
"Mindy Popular has crabs."
"Erik Jockboy is gay."
"Cassie Slutmonster sleeps around."
They keep going and going, and for all someone knows, they might be true. But fact and fiction doesn't matter. People will believe anything, any juicy, meaty gossip. People just devour it. They want to be in on the secrets, and soon, it's not a secret anymore.
It's not worth all of this, because in the end, you won't stay popular. You'll be ruined, or you'll just give up. Not to mention the loss of your true friends. You become so wrapped up in your newfound popularity, you forget about the people that care about you.
So no. It's not worth it. It might be nice, for a while, but in the end, it doesn't matter how many people know your name. You're not a god. You're a human being, and you're not any more special than the rest of us.
~J*~
*NOTE: "You" is just a generalization; this isn't to anyone in particular.
Got questions?
thesearetheyears@gmail.com
Being popular is nice. It's nice to have people know your name, and it's cool to have everyone preaching their love to you. You're desired, and you like that. But with that popularity comes the rumors. The rumors that those that envy you - or just outright hate you - start. These rumors can tear you down. People know your name, but it becomes this way for all the wrong reasons.
"Mindy Popular has crabs."
"Erik Jockboy is gay."
"Cassie Slutmonster sleeps around."
They keep going and going, and for all someone knows, they might be true. But fact and fiction doesn't matter. People will believe anything, any juicy, meaty gossip. People just devour it. They want to be in on the secrets, and soon, it's not a secret anymore.
It's not worth all of this, because in the end, you won't stay popular. You'll be ruined, or you'll just give up. Not to mention the loss of your true friends. You become so wrapped up in your newfound popularity, you forget about the people that care about you.
So no. It's not worth it. It might be nice, for a while, but in the end, it doesn't matter how many people know your name. You're not a god. You're a human being, and you're not any more special than the rest of us.
~J*~
*NOTE: "You" is just a generalization; this isn't to anyone in particular.
Got questions?
thesearetheyears@gmail.com
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Quality Over Quantity
In my last post, I talked about the Couples versus the Singles. I also touched on the "best friends" topic, as I did in the post before that. I think it's time to delve a little deeper. And, as per usual, I'll start with a question - which is more important: quality, or quantity?
People love popularity, for obvious reasons. It's nice to have people know your name. It's nice to get some attention. It's even nice to be envied, sometimes. Being the "it" girl or guy can make someone the happiest person in the world. This is why people enjoy having a lot of friends - they get that feeling popular people get. The feeling of importance, et cetera. But when it gets right down to the bare bones of it, does it really matter how many friends you have?
It doesn't matter how many. As one of my friends put it, "it's better to have one person that cares, than a room full of people that don't give a shit." And it's true. If you have friends that leave you when the going gets tough, they're not your friends. If they gossip about you and stab you in the back, they're not your friends. Your best friend will be there for you, period. They'll never betray you. Ever. That's that, plain and simple.
Sure, it's nice to have a lot of friends. But don't expect all of them to be there for you through it all. And when something comes up, and some of them aren't by your side, then that answers your question of their loyalty.
~J*~
Got questions?
thesearetheyears@gmail.com
People love popularity, for obvious reasons. It's nice to have people know your name. It's nice to get some attention. It's even nice to be envied, sometimes. Being the "it" girl or guy can make someone the happiest person in the world. This is why people enjoy having a lot of friends - they get that feeling popular people get. The feeling of importance, et cetera. But when it gets right down to the bare bones of it, does it really matter how many friends you have?
It doesn't matter how many. As one of my friends put it, "it's better to have one person that cares, than a room full of people that don't give a shit." And it's true. If you have friends that leave you when the going gets tough, they're not your friends. If they gossip about you and stab you in the back, they're not your friends. Your best friend will be there for you, period. They'll never betray you. Ever. That's that, plain and simple.
Sure, it's nice to have a lot of friends. But don't expect all of them to be there for you through it all. And when something comes up, and some of them aren't by your side, then that answers your question of their loyalty.
~J*~
Got questions?
thesearetheyears@gmail.com
Monday, July 14, 2008
Couples vs. Singles
I'm sure you've noticed when your friends find a significant other, they seem... different. Right?
You're not alone. When one of your friends finds a boyfriend or girlfriend, they're bound to act different. Maybe happier. You're going to hear a lot about their partner. So be prepared for "Johnny Boyfriend did this" or "Julie Girlfriend is so funny." Not that this is necessarily a bad thing. But when it escalates to the point where all this friend cares about is their partner, then we have a problem.
I like to call this R.P.D. - Relationship Priority Disorder. It's when someone in a relationship favors their partner over their friends - or vice versa. It's understandable for someone to talk about their significant other - to an extent. But let's say Johnny Goodfriend has been neglecting you as a friend.
Perhaps he just cares more about his partner than you, but this is wrong. A friend is a friend is a friend. Boyfriend/girlfriend relationships and friendships are two very, very different kinds of relationships. And while they are different, this does not mean one is more important than the other.
Relationships tend to come and go, but the friends are the ones who are always gonna be there for you, through thick and thin. Friends are going to be the ones who help you through it when your boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with you.
And even if you have the perfect relationship, even if you've found your soulmate, this person should not take priority over your friends!
Maybe they pity you. They're in a relationship, and you're pathetically single. Well, they see it as pathetic. Perhaps you don't. Maybe they want you to tag along with them. But you don't want to be a third wheel. Don't let them take pity on you. Show them you're okay, that you know you'll find someone. And if you dont' want to find someone, if you enjoy being single, make sure they know that.
Some people in a relationship think they're better than you because they've found their "other half." They might not know they think this way, but some - not all, some - of them do.
The only cure for R.P.D. is a solid dose of reality. If your friend is neglecting you for their partner, or vice versa, then you need to point that out to them. And if they don't want to listen, so be it; they'll come around eventually.
~J*~
Got questions?
thesearetheyears@gmail.com
You're not alone. When one of your friends finds a boyfriend or girlfriend, they're bound to act different. Maybe happier. You're going to hear a lot about their partner. So be prepared for "Johnny Boyfriend did this" or "Julie Girlfriend is so funny." Not that this is necessarily a bad thing. But when it escalates to the point where all this friend cares about is their partner, then we have a problem.
I like to call this R.P.D. - Relationship Priority Disorder. It's when someone in a relationship favors their partner over their friends - or vice versa. It's understandable for someone to talk about their significant other - to an extent. But let's say Johnny Goodfriend has been neglecting you as a friend.
Perhaps he just cares more about his partner than you, but this is wrong. A friend is a friend is a friend. Boyfriend/girlfriend relationships and friendships are two very, very different kinds of relationships. And while they are different, this does not mean one is more important than the other.
Relationships tend to come and go, but the friends are the ones who are always gonna be there for you, through thick and thin. Friends are going to be the ones who help you through it when your boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with you.
And even if you have the perfect relationship, even if you've found your soulmate, this person should not take priority over your friends!
Maybe they pity you. They're in a relationship, and you're pathetically single. Well, they see it as pathetic. Perhaps you don't. Maybe they want you to tag along with them. But you don't want to be a third wheel. Don't let them take pity on you. Show them you're okay, that you know you'll find someone. And if you dont' want to find someone, if you enjoy being single, make sure they know that.
Some people in a relationship think they're better than you because they've found their "other half." They might not know they think this way, but some - not all, some - of them do.
The only cure for R.P.D. is a solid dose of reality. If your friend is neglecting you for their partner, or vice versa, then you need to point that out to them. And if they don't want to listen, so be it; they'll come around eventually.
~J*~
Got questions?
thesearetheyears@gmail.com
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Let's Start With The Cliche...
How can you tell when your friends are lying to you?
Sorry to tell you, but unless you know your friend really well, you won't know if they're lying to you. Think poker: every poker player has a tell when they're bluffing. Unless you know this friend's "tell," then you won't know if they're lying.
But what if they're lying to you to make you feel better?
A good friend - a best friend - would never do this. They would tell you the truth flat out. They would fold when they thought it was necessary, and they would ante up when they want to. They know never to bluff with you. Your friends should have no reason to lie to you. They're supposed to be the ones who stick by you no matter what. They're supposed to tell you how it is, not lie to make you feel better.
Think of it like this: If you saw a pair of shoes that you really, really liked, but just wouldn't look right on you, would you want your friend to lie to you and say they looked good so you look like an idiot in public, or would you rather them tell you the truth? Granted, you might not listen to your friends when they tell you the truth - especially if it's something you don't want to hear. You really want that pair of shoes, and you don't care what your friend says - you're going to buy them and that's that.
Your good friends have your best interests at heart. They'll tell you the truth, even if it means sounding like a bitch. It's up to you whether or not you want to listen.
~J*~
Got questions?
thesearetheyears@gmail.com
Sorry to tell you, but unless you know your friend really well, you won't know if they're lying to you. Think poker: every poker player has a tell when they're bluffing. Unless you know this friend's "tell," then you won't know if they're lying.
But what if they're lying to you to make you feel better?
A good friend - a best friend - would never do this. They would tell you the truth flat out. They would fold when they thought it was necessary, and they would ante up when they want to. They know never to bluff with you. Your friends should have no reason to lie to you. They're supposed to be the ones who stick by you no matter what. They're supposed to tell you how it is, not lie to make you feel better.
Think of it like this: If you saw a pair of shoes that you really, really liked, but just wouldn't look right on you, would you want your friend to lie to you and say they looked good so you look like an idiot in public, or would you rather them tell you the truth? Granted, you might not listen to your friends when they tell you the truth - especially if it's something you don't want to hear. You really want that pair of shoes, and you don't care what your friend says - you're going to buy them and that's that.
Your good friends have your best interests at heart. They'll tell you the truth, even if it means sounding like a bitch. It's up to you whether or not you want to listen.
~J*~
Got questions?
thesearetheyears@gmail.com
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Who am I?
Let's start right off the bat:
I am fifteen, going on sixteen years old. You may think this means I'm not the best person to be getting this advice from. Au contraire. I'm the one going through this with you. I may not deal with a lot of the "serious" stuff, but I know people that are. I am close to people that lead some of the hardest lives - and they're only teenagers.
I've experienced a lot, and I've heard a lot more. And through all this, I have gained wisdom. Granted, I have a ways to go, but... well, don't we all? We all deal with things, and we're all going to deal with a lot more. From friends to family, from gossip to popularity, we've all felt certain pain. We've all dealt with certain hardships. We've all gone through different things that build our character, who we're meant to be as an end result. That's why these years are the ones that make us who we are (as I'm so sure you're sick of hearing) - because these are the years we learn from. All of the drama we have to face, it all molds us into who we're supposed to be.
~J*~
Got questions?
thesearetheyears@gmail.com
I am fifteen, going on sixteen years old. You may think this means I'm not the best person to be getting this advice from. Au contraire. I'm the one going through this with you. I may not deal with a lot of the "serious" stuff, but I know people that are. I am close to people that lead some of the hardest lives - and they're only teenagers.
I've experienced a lot, and I've heard a lot more. And through all this, I have gained wisdom. Granted, I have a ways to go, but... well, don't we all? We all deal with things, and we're all going to deal with a lot more. From friends to family, from gossip to popularity, we've all felt certain pain. We've all dealt with certain hardships. We've all gone through different things that build our character, who we're meant to be as an end result. That's why these years are the ones that make us who we are (as I'm so sure you're sick of hearing) - because these are the years we learn from. All of the drama we have to face, it all molds us into who we're supposed to be.
~J*~
Got questions?
thesearetheyears@gmail.com
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