Eenie Meenie Miney Moe - Do You HAVE to Choose?

I'm in one of those typical teen problems - my "boyfriend" doesn't like my best friend, nor does she like him.

Actually, he's not really my boyfriend, yet. And my best friend is really the one who shares most of the dislike.

You see, they got into this fight that I've been in the middle of for a long time. Three people have already told me that I'd have to choose at some point, but I refuse to. Why does it have to come down to me if it's their problem? Although recently they dropped the fight but they still very much don't like each other.

My "boyfriend" wants to make things right with my best friend (he claims he's been polite to her all this time during the fight). He mostly wants to though because he says that if he asks me out when they aren't friends then my best friend will give me a lot of crap for it and then everything will end very badly. So, he wants to be friends again before asking me out. I've told my best friend this, but she says that she doesn't want to be his friend at all and if he asks me out, she would just be happy for the both of us. I told him this and he says to try and come through to her a bit longer, and that he'll also try, too. If nothing happens, then he'll just forget trying to make amends with her.

But...I WANT them to be friends again very much so, I don't care if when they do he asks me out, or if he does it before. I just want them to be friends like they used to be. But I have no idea how to. Help?
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Let's be blunt. Your relationship with your "boyfriend" should not be contingent upon his friendship - or, rather, lack thereof - with someone else. I understand that she is your best friend, so just keep it that way. Stay friends with her, and explain to Boyfriend that your relationship with him needs to be seperate from BOTH of your relationships with your best friend.

I understand that you want peace between them, because they're two of the most important people in your life, but things are not going to work out perfectly like that. One of my best friends doesn't like MY significant other at all, but I'm not going to choose between them. I will remain loyal to both of them, and I will keep them both in my life.

Frankly, they both need to grow up and realize they are putting you in the middle of THEIR business, and that YOU should not need to be their go-between. If they have beef, let THEM work it out, seperate from your relationship with either of them. You need to be VERY vocal about this, VERY adamant, and maybe even withold yourself from both of them until they agree to do this. You do NOT need to choose, and don't let ANYONE tell you so, because that is the most unfair thing anyone could ever tell you to do. Let them work out their problems on their own, outright refuse to get involved, and be very ADAMANT about not getting involved.

If Boyfriend wants things to be hunky-dory with Best Friend again, then he will try to make it so. And if Best Friend is adamant against it, then Boyfriend needs to give up the ghost and let Best Friend come to him when SHE'S ready, instead of pestering her. This, really, is not your problem, and don't let them trick you into thinking it is.

-J

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