Guilt Trips - How to Be Guilt Free

My mom was guilted into going to church yesterday. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she went - even though I had to go with her - because what the pastor talked about really helped her through the current situation she's in. But the thing that bothered me most was the fact that she was guilted into going - by her best friend, no less.

You see, my mom is tired of always saying no to her friend when she asks us if we want to go to church. This time, she kind of made my mom feel bad, unintentionally guilting my mom into going.

Even though it can be unintentional, the fact remains that guilt trips are flat-out wrong. You cannot change someone, so you cannot change the fact that they may attempt to put you on a guilt trip. But you can control your reaction.

"But how?"

It's easier said than done, I know, but, put simply, you can't let it get to you. You can't let them make you feel bad because you don't want to do something. That's just not fair. They can't make you do something you don't want to do, and making you feel bad about it is a sign of selfishness. They shouldn't be trying to force you into something you are either uncomfortable doing, or just simply don't want to do. It's also - on your part - about honesty. If this is a friend or family member of yours, even if it hurts their feelings, you have to be honest. Tell them you don't want to do whatever it is they want you to do. Be firm if they try to make you feel guilty. Really, it's not fair to either of you.

~J*~

Got questions?
thesearetheyears@gmail.com

Be You.

Ditch The Label


Don't let the image of Chris Crocker mislead you. Surprisingly wiser than most seem to think.

The video says most of what I have to say. People are obsessed. They love this celebrity, they want to be that celebrity. I understand waiting for some new movie or CD to come out, but letting it run your life is not cool. Wanting to be someone that's not you is even worse. Stop trying to be Britney Spears. Stop trying to be Zac Efron. Neither of them are as amazing as the person you can be. I'm not saying you have to write music instead of listening to it, but don't obssess over it. Obsession is an unhealthy thing.
There are so many more important things in life. Family. Friends, Just... there's so much more to life than trying to be someone you're not, and obsessing over someone you want to be.

Which leads me into my next point.

Labels.

I am going to say this, and I know I am possibly going to get shit for it. There is no such thing as a "label." No one is "emo," no one is "punk," no one is "gangsta." Everyone is just them. The way they act does not define them as a person. Except, of course, for the girlies dressed all in pink and hyped up on Starbucks that so desperately want to be the next Miley Cyrus. Why can't people just enjoy themselves as people? Why do they have to try to be something you're not? Your life is just as interesting - if not more - than these celebrities that are making a billion dollars for each Disney-editted and propagated song they release to radio stations to overplay. Just be yourself. You're so much more of an actual person than them.
Ditch the label.
Be you.

~J*~

Got questions?
thesearetheyears@gmail.com

Feeling Dictatorship

"this boy is convinced he is in love with me but i don't like relationships and i keep TELLING him that but he's convinced i'm just afraid of being hurt which yeah partly is a problem but that's not the reason i don't want a relationship with him. the worst part is he keeps saying, 'when you're ready for a relationship, i know you'll choose me.' because i WONTTTT!"

The first thing you need to do is make it clear that you need your space. If this has been going on for so long, and he's harrassing you, you need to tell him to back off. No more Mr. Nice Guy... or Ms. Nice Girl... Whichever. This guy needs to know when no means no and enough is enough. Now, I'm not saying be a downright bitch, but be firm, and make yourself and your position clear.
He knows you're not ready for a relationship, and he clearly doesn't respect it, which is proof in and of itself that he doesn't "love you." Infatuation? Sure. Bordering on obsession? Possibly. But if he's pressuring you into dating him eventually, that's not love. If he really loved you, he would know to back off without you saying anything. Your attitude should be enough, but since he obviously can't take the hint, be more direct - no matter how you think it might hurt him. Some people need to be bitch-slapped by reality to wake up.
Tell him that he can't tell you how you feel. Only you know who you like, but no one - not even you - knows who you will like. For him to say you'll pick him when you're ready, that's totally unfair. He keeps putting you in awkward positions, and it's totally unfair to you. That's not love and dedication. That is, as I said, pressure bordering on obsession.
If you're being pressured into a relationship, or being made to feel guilty, or being told how you feel about someone, tell that person to piss off. No lie, no one has any right to make you feel one way (intentionally), or tell you how you feel. It pisses people off, and it just puts everyone in an awkward, irritated funk. No one likes feeling like that.
So even if you're just a naturally nice person, sometimes you just have to be firm. If they get hurt, they'll heal eventually - we all do. And if they hate you afterwards, they obviously didn't "love" you in the first place. You told them how you feel, now let them deal.

~J*~

Got questions?
thesearetheyears@gmail.com

Politics + Friendship

Today, I witnessed an overwhelming amount of people rubbing Obama's victory in McCain supporter's faces. I also witnessed a 9th grade girl crying uncontrollably over the potential loss of her best friend because of politics. The best friend was a hardcore Obama supporter, and the victim of this harsh assault of words was a supporter of neither, but preferred McCain.
Is this fair?
Moreover: can politics and friendship ever coincide?

Opinions are like assholes: everybody has one. Some people wanted McCain to win for whatever reason, and some people wanted Obama win for whatever reason. My job is not to present bias, although I think it's quite apparent - especially if you read my personal blog - who I had hopes for. My job is to tell you things like this:
It is not our job to judge. It is not fair of us to judge someone because of who they wanted to run this country. We respect each other, and each other's opinions. However, there is a problem with ill-informed opinions. People may say what they think, but if what they think is not backed up and/or is biased by unfair factors, then they need a reality check, and have no right getting on your case for their opinons. Do not let politics get in the way of a good friendship. If you know your friend is sensitive about politics, please steer clear of the subject. You'll be doing yourself and your friend - and your friendship as a whole - a great favor. The less drama, the better.

~J*~

Got questions?
thesearetheyears@gmail.com