So They Won't Talk To You...

"Let's say that someone who I've always kinda referred to as my "best friend" and i haven't talked recently. Not because we're fighting (to my knowledge), but because in the hours upon hours we are both online, she never initiates the conversation. It's kinda always been like that, unless something big happened that she was waiting until I got on to tell me. Now, though, it's been over a week and she hasn't made any attempt to talk to me, when even if we didn't instant messge, she'd write on my Facebook wall or smoething. Is she mad at me, do you think, or should I just go back to what I usually do and initiate conversation?"

To be honest, I can't tell you whether or not she's mad at you. I'm not in her head; I don't know her emotions. However, if she is going out of her way to purposefully not talk to you, there is obviously something up. I'd say just chill for a bit. Let her get over whatever her problem is and then she'll talk to you. If she doesn't, then I guess we know where her loyalty lies.

We can't make people like us, in any way. We can't make people want to be our friends, or our lovers. It's not our job to make people like us. If they like us, then so be it, but if they don't, oh well. We can't control our feelings, let alone anyone elses. It's not our responsibility to make people feel a certain way about us. If someone doesn't want to talk to us, for whatever reason, so be it. My friend's father does not like my mother because she wears fake eyelashes, and he happens to hate make up. Shallow, yes, but she can't make him want to talk to her.

People can be shallow. People can be assholes. If they don't want to talk to you, it's their loss, not yours. I don't care how fabulous they may seem, they're not if they're not willing to open themselves up to a new person.

~J*~

Got Questions?

Clearly I'm at a loss for a decent topic to provide advice for. I'd love to hear from you; simply leave a comment with a question, or send questions to:

thesearetheyears@gmail.com

I can't wait to hear from you.

~J*~

Letting Go

Not a moment ago, I posted a blog about letting go on my personal blog. talking about grudges I have been holding and needing to get rid of those grudges. But why? It's just so much easier to keep hating someone, and so much more fun to keep gossiping about them. Or is it?
In the long run, how will putting someone down serve you?

Someone did something to you a few years ago and you still feel that burning hatred in your chest for them. You just want to keep hurting them however you can. Tear them down, ruin their lives. But it's so not worth it, because really, by holding onto that, you may be hurting them, but you're hurting yourself way more. I don't care if you don't believe in karma, you better believe that tearing someone down like that will come back to bite you in the ass. What is being a bitch to that person doing for you, really? Is it making you a better person? Or is it lowering you to their level?

Do I really need to tell you it's the latter? Because I think you all are smart enough to know that much.

You really don't like this person, so you talk shit about them and tear them down. But you're just making yourself into the type of person everyone - including you - hates. That's just ridiculous and petty and hypocritical. You should want to be better than them. You shouldn't stoop to that level, because it's not serving you or anyone else in the end.
Let go.
I know you can't control your feelings. If you hate someone, you hate them. But you can control the way those feelings affect you. You can be the bigger person, walk away, and let go. Let that person sink into the other faces you pass by in the hallways. No, I'm not saying forgive that person. In the end, the forgiving will happen on its own. Forgiving sometimes comes with forgetting, and by forgetting, that person gets a clean slate. You don't ever have to talk to them again, because of that impression they gave you, but just let it go, and in time, the rest will fade on its own.

~J*~

Got questions?
thesearetheyears@gmail.com

Relationships, Friendships; Is There That Much of a Difference?

I take AP Psychology as an elective. It was today, after that class, that I got the idea for this post. I was walking with an aquaintence of mine, and she told me that she was thinking of dumping her boyfriend. When I asked why, she told me it was because she didn't want one. I told her I was tired of being single, and she asked a question, something along these lines:
"What's the difference between a boyfriend and a best friend?"
This got me to thinking: really, the only thing different is the physical contact. Or does it go deeper than that?
We all see the boyfriends and girlfriends sucking face in the hallway. Us single ones get a pang of jealousy, and the taken ones crave the company of their significant other. But does the difference between friendships and relationships go deeper than just that physical contact? Deeper than just the touch of lips, the exchanging of sweat between sheets drenched in passion? You want to cuddle with someone and watch movies all day; can't it just be with your best friend? Are those sexual feelings the only true difference?

Feelings in general make up the difference between friendships and relationships. You talk with your best friend, you talk with your partner. You hug your best friend, you hug your partner. But the feelings behind each type of relationship differ so greatly. You love your best friend, and you love your partner. But that love is so different in both relationships. It's really more than just the sexual feelings. These feelings - in both types of relationships - are so complex, but the feeling of loving someone as more than a friend is next to impossible to understand. It's like the most addictive drug. When you have experienced love for someone - in a more-than-friend way - you want it so badly. You never want that feeling to go away, and you want it to be requited. You just want to be with that person, in the most romantic way possible, ways that you can't be with your best friend. That is the difference, and that is what's worth fighting for.

~J*~

Got questions?
thesearetheyears@gmail.com